Note: While research on alcohol is evolving, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says drinking less or not at all is better for your health.
There are lots of reasons you might choose not to drink. Maybe you’re pregnant, you’re on medication, you’re driving, you’re cutting down for health reasons, or you just don’t like the taste. Depending on your social circles and where you socialize, choosing not to drink might feel like the path less traveled. But data suggests it’s pretty common.
So, how do you curtail intrusive follow-up questions? Experts recommend using the following phrases and approaches.
And keep in mind: These tips aren’t intended for people living with alcohol use disorder. If you’re managing this condition, discuss your situation with professionals who have experience managing alcohol use disorder.
1. ‘No Thanks’ or ‘I’m Good’
Cut to the chase. “The idea of not drinking should be as easy as saying, ‘No, thank you. I don’t want to go bungee jumping,’” says Hilary Sheinbaum, New York City-based author of The Dry Challenge: How to Lose the Booze for Dry January, Sober October, and Any Other Alcohol-Free Month.
If someone seems put off by your response, quickly deflect by asking them something that’s of interest to them, she says. Keep the conversation moving.
Lisa Amodeo, a certified alcohol and drug counselor based in Barrington, Illinois, likes this response because it keeps things casual. Plus, it’s appropriate for environments where you may not want to go into detail about why you’re not drinking. Remember that there’s nothing unusual about skipping the alcohol, and act accordingly.
2. ‘I Have an Early Morning, and I Won’t Sleep Well if I Drink’
Have an early commitment — like a meeting, workout, or class — the morning after your night out? It’s only natural to want a good night’s sleep beforehand. Sheinbaum recommends using this response if you’re in a business context, since it suggests that you’re driven and focused. It also works well if the people you’re talking to are into fitness. And since it’s a specific answer for a particular day, it’s a good option to use if you do drink on some occasions.
3. ‘I’m Trying an Alcohol-Free Challenge’
If you’re passing on alcohol at your next social gathering, you can shift the focus to your competitive spirit when managing questions about your drinking habits. Sheinbaum says this tactic worked wonders when she was on dates during a no-alcohol challenge: “It almost automatically got [my dates] to want to support my effort [and help me win].”
4. ‘I Already Have a Drink, Thank You’
In addition to bringing your canned response, you can bring your own beverage (BYOB). “When you already know what you’ll have in your hand, it’s less likely you’ll be offered something,” says Brian Couey, PsyD, executive director of Integris Health Arcadia Trails Center for Addiction Recovery in Edmond, Oklahoma.
The market for sophisticated alcohol alternatives has grown a lot, says Sheinbaum, who works with bars and restaurants in New York City to expand their nonalcoholic offerings. If you can BYOB, set yourself up with a quality mocktail. If you have control over the location, you could use an app that Sheinbaum likes called Better Without. It locates nonalcoholic options at bars and restaurants in your vicinity.
You can even build a drink that looks like a real cocktail — club soda, ice, and lime for example. No one will be able to tell that you aren’t drinking.
But if someone does remark on the lack of alcohol, reply with the statement above.
5. ‘Alcohol Doesn’t Sit Well With Me’
It would be downright rude for someone to push you into drinking if you say you don’t feel well. Take a page from people who are comfortable expressing their dietary needs — for example, people with food allergies or intolerances — and express how you physically don’t feel well when you drink.
If you know that a certain food or drink is going to disagree with you — for example, because of a dietary restriction or a health condition — you may feel more comfortable declining that offer, says Dr. Couey. “Have the same matter-of-fact attitude with alcohol,” he suggests.
More Tips on Managing a Social Situation When You’re Not Drinking
With these key phrases in your pocket, hopefully people won’t press you much further about your decision. But the experts have a few more tips to help you navigate these social scenarios:
Practice your refusals ahead of time. “A lot of times, people try to wing it, and what ends up happening is their guard is dropped, and it’s easier to succumb to pressure and take that drink,” Amodeo says. That’s why practicing these phrases before you walk in the door can help.
Have a plan. “More than just refusal skills, you need good prevention planning,” says Couey. “Know why you’re there, know how long you’re going to be there, and have your own way to leave if you need to.” For example, drinking generally gets heavier later into the night, so consider coming early and leaving early if you think that will be the case, he says.
Leave early if you’re uncomfortable. If words fail, Amodeo and Couey suggest removing yourself from the event. Use the old “I have to go walk my dog” excuse, or explain that something unexpected came up with a friend. And if you’re uncomfortable, just leave, they say. You don’t have to tell anyone. “Sometimes it’s really hard to explain yourself, because there are people who will not even take the explanations,” Amodeo says. In these situations, it’s always okay to simply step away.
The Takeaway
- If you’re choosing to avoid alcohol for any reason, there are several considerate and assertive ways to communicate this decision. You could simply say, “No, thanks,” or mention that alcohol doesn’t sit well with you.
- Having a nonalcoholic drink in hand can reduce the likelihood of being offered something you prefer not to imbibe.
- Alcohol can have unpleasant side effects and disrupt sleep. So prioritizing your well-being in social settings is a valid reason to abstain. Don’t feel pressured to conform.
- If navigating social gatherings without drinking becomes overwhelming, it’s okay to excuse yourself for a break or step away and leave.
