If you don’t know, Chuck Norris is a legendary action star famous for beating the hell out of the bad guys on the long-running TV series Walker, Texas Ranger and in movies like Missing in Action.
In 2005 or so, the internet — spurred on by Conan O’Brien’s late night show — started making jokes about Chuck, all with the same premise: Chuck is the world’s toughest badass.
That brings us to 2025, when an 85-year-old Chuck posted this workout selfie, still looking like the lean, mean, fighting machine we all know and love.
This, of course, inspired people to start sharing their best “Chuck Norris joke” in the comments, and I gotta admit, they had me laughing out loud in the DMV. Check ’em out:
1.
“When Chuck Norris went to college he told his dad, ‘You’re the man of the house now.'”
2.
“One day Chuck Norris told a woman to calm down, and she calmed down.”
3.
“When Chuck Norris was born the doctor said, ‘Congratulations! You have two healthy parents.'”
4.
“He took this photo with a payphone.”
5.
“Chuck Norris doesn’t have to learn Spanish; Spanish has to learn Chuck Norris.”
6.
“Chuck Norris once gave a horse an uppercut and now we have giraffes.”
7.
“When dawn is coming, the sun puts on sunglasses so Chuck Norris doesn’t hurt its eyes.”
8.
“I heard Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.”
9.
“Chuck once made a bet with Superman, the loser had to wear his underpants on the outside.”
10.
“Once a street was named after Chuck but after a minute it got its original name back because no one crosses Chuck Norris.”
11.
“You can’t see because it’s a photo but that bag in the background has been swinging for a week after he jabbed it.”
12.
“Chuck doesn’t lift weights…he pushes the earth down.”
13.
“Chuck Norris doesn’t buy sleeveless shirts. The sleeves fall off when they see him.”
14.
“No one took the picture, the camera took it out of fear.”
15.
And: “He counted to infinity. Twice.”
And — what the hell — here are some more A+ Chuck Norris jokes from this Reddit thread:
19.
“When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he already had three missed call from Chuck Norris.”
20.
“Chuck Norris can make onions cry.”
25.
“Chuck Norris clogs toilets when he takes a piss.”
29.
“When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders. There are only survivors.”
30.
“Chuck Norris is so tough he can slam a revolving door.”
35.
“When Chuck Norris was a child at school, his teachers raised their hands in order to talk to him.”
36.
“There is no such thing as natural selection, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.”
37.
“Chuck Norris heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.”
40.
“Chuck Norris caught all the Pokémon from a landline.”
41.
“Chuck Norris has a bear skin rug in his house. The bear is alive — it’s just too scared to move.”
42.
“Chuck Norris has never lost a staring contest, including the time he challenged a statue.”
43.
“Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago. The reaper is just too scared to tell him.”
45.
“Chuck Norris knows the other word for thesaurus.”
50.
“Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.”
Do you know a Chuck Norris joke not seen here? Let us hear it in the comments!
