Mike, 36, from Pittsburgh called into The Ramsey Show for advice on his relationship’s next steps.
He told Dave Ramsey, “I want to propose to my girlfriend, but we disagree on finances.”
Mike quickly expanded that the couple discussed their potential future together — including his intention to combine their relatively similar assets — devolved when she requested a prenup in order to keep their finances separate.
“I see no reason for [the prenup],” said Mike. Dave Ramsey and Jade Warshaw agreed. “So, you’re not ready to propose,” said Ramsey.
Mike recently sold a piece of land and will walk away from the deal with $180,000. He’s made a budget and plans to use those funds to pay down the mortgage on his own home and be mortgage-free within four years.
As they’ve gotten more serious, Mike broached a conversation about his intention to combine their finances in the future. Eventually, once they potentially marry, he wants to buy a bigger home with his now-girlfriend.
His girlfriend, who owns a rental property of her own, doesn’t want to combine finances at all, even though their assets are similar and she doesn’t come from a wealthy family. Instead, she wants the prenup to outline individual assets and keep their money separate.
In fact, she represents 50% of American adults who are open to prenups and hers would represent one in five marriages that actually have one, if she were to go through with getting it.
However, after learning the couple has only been together around eight months, Ramsey advised against jumping into an engagement right away. “You’ve got some more work to do on this relationship before it becomes a marriage.”
Ramsey pointed out that, “The number one cause of divorce in North America is disagreements over money.”
With that sobering statistic in mind, Ramsey suggested the couple get on the same page about money before taking things any further. According to Ramsey, disagreements about money generally reflect a deeper misalignment of values, which is important to work through before getting married.
“I think you scared her,” said Ramsey. She might not be ready to combine her finances due to other fears, particularly around completely trusting a spouse with combined finances.
“What it sounded to me like what she was dealing with was fear-based and it wouldn’t have mattered who the guy was,” said Warshaw.
But when considering marriage, Mike and his girlfriend still have work to do.
Read more: Want an extra $1,300,000 when you retire? Dave Ramsey says this 7-step plan ‘works every single time’ to kill debt, get rich in America — and that ‘anyone’ can do it
Financial disagreements can put strain on any relationship.
In fact, a recent survey from the New York Post found that 32% of Americans are uncomfortable discussing finances in their relationship. And 44% worry that discussing finances with their partner will lead to disagreements.
If you cannot openly discuss finances with your partner, it’s often a red flag. When sharing your life with someone, the ability to openly dialogue about big picture issues, including money, is critical.
When a partner actively avoids talking about finances, it can put an ongoing strain on your relationship. After all, anytime you need to make a household money decision, the lack of communication could quickly lead to an issue.
In Mike’s relationship, Dave already spotted one financial red flag: this couple has mismatched goals. Mike wants to pay off debt and interweave their finances. In contrast, his girlfriend wants to keep her assets protected, just in case. This pre-made exit strategy represents a red flag in Ramsey’s eyes.
Another potential red flag is when your partner hides financial information from you (the extreme end of this is financial infidelity). While you might not talk about money on your first date, you’ll want to put your cards on the table as the possibility of marriage enters the relationship and as managing shared finances becomes a part of the equation.
If one or both partners can’t bring themselves to share their financial situation, it could represent an impasse for the relationship. And it can take multiple conversations and time to work through this new chapter together in a thoughtful and strategic way.
Another issue can be being on different timelines. For example, wanting to be mortgage-free by 45 while another individual is okay with delaying this milestone if it means travelling and enjoying life a little more.
One option is to enlist the help of a pre-marriage counselor — a suggestion Ramsey made to Mike. Building a joint value framework together that both parties can agree on and make decisions with can help this couple step into their marriage with confidence and not fear.
Stay in the know. Join 200,000+ readers and get the best of Moneywise sent straight to your inbox every week for free. Subscribe now.
This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
