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“Don’t be upset by the results you didn’t get with the work you didn’t do.”
The Suffering
Izzy is a tall, quintessential California girl. When she walks into a club, heads turn, looking like the real deal. At age 16, she appears to be a WTA superstar in the making. Her father is sure that she’ll be on tour soon. Her coaches shake their heads because she looks like she could be world-class, but they know, at this rate, she won’t.
Unfortunately, with her current mindset, she’s spiraling downward. You see, she wants the rankings without the hard work. The rewards and not the struggle. The prestige, not the process. Izzy’s in love with the fan fair, not the fight. To Izzy, suffering is felt as a personal defeat. Having to work hard is something naturally gifted athletes don’t have to do. Sadly, triumph doesn’t work that way.
Solution: Izzy will have a shot at greatness if she buys into hard work and discipline. A less physically gifted athlete with a better work ethic will outperform a more physically talented athlete with a weaker work ethic. For all athletes, including the physically gifted, properly handling the pain of training determines success. Who you are is defined by how hard you are willing to work.
Intangibles
In our world, intangibles are software skills directly related to the character traits of a future college team member. Character traits are the core values and moral qualities present in an individual. Please remember that parents of college-bound athletes have very important jobs. One is the education of the below positive character traits.
“Sports don’t teach the below skills…they expose them.”
The leaders in high-performance tennis have nurtured these skills. These intangibles are educated by choice and not left to chance.
Solution: Plan on taking time daily to educate your child about the below topics:
- Grit: Courage and resolve; strength of character
- Motivation: The reason or reasons for attaining your goals.
- Trustworthiness: The ability to be relied on as honest or truthful.
- Gratitude: The appreciation of actions and benefits bestowed upon you.
- Accountability: The condition of being responsible for your actions.
- Commitment: The position of being dedicated to your cause.
- Respectfulness: A curious regard for others’ feelings or situations.
- Integrity: Having a solid moral compass and principles
- Honesty: Acting with fairness and righteous conduct.
- Effort: The amount of energy put into an attempt.
- Innovative: Applying creative problem-solving and advanced thinking.
- Competency: The ability to perform efficiently and successfully.
- Loyalty: A strong feeling of support or allegiance to your supporters.
- Ethics: The morals and principles that govern your behavior.
- Patience: The capacity to tolerate delay or suffering without getting upset.
- Desire: A deep feeling of acquiring something or wishing for it to happen.
- Sincerity: The quality of being free from pretense and deceit.
- Open-Mindedness: The willingness to consider new ideas without prejudice.
In the eyes of a future NCAA College Coach, these character traits are equally important to your athlete’s topspin backhand.
Parental Stressors
Understanding how to handle parental stressors allows you to thrive in this high-pressure environment. Parents would be wise to build coping strategies to thrive along this journey. Left unattended parental stress can have a very negative impact on your athlete’s mental health and performance ability.
But what exactly are these stressors, and how can parents identify them to adjust and ultimately limit the negative impact they can have on their athlete?
Solution: Read the following everyday stressors and identify which stressors may be affecting your life. The goal as a tennis parent is to create a plan for dealing with stressors, as they will surely be ever-present.
Organizational Stressors
- Coaching Issues
- Practice Scheduling/Coordination
- Tournament Scheduling
- Equipment Management
- Interpersonal Conflicts
- Perceived Lack of Support from Organization
- Travel Logistics
Match Day Stressors
- Outcome Wants
- Injuries
- Gamesmanship
- Nervousness
- Untrustworthy Mechanics
- Tournament Draw
Personal Stressors
- Lifestyle Issues
- Work Commitments
- Lack of Personal Time
- Financial Issues
- Social Factors
- Outside Commitments
Considering how much we love our children and how much the family is committed to our children’s careers, feeling stressed can all be normal reactions to the competitive tennis world. If stress is getting the best of you, I suggest taking breaks from watching practice sessions or event tournament play. Avoid negative tennis parents that upset you. Finally, take care of your health. Make time to exercise and reconnect with your non-tennis friends.
Thriving vs. Suffering
We know that the lion’s share of gifted athletes never sees the higher levels of the sport. They possess the apparent physical ability but fall short of the psychological traits needed at the higher levels. What are the distinguishing factors that separate the athletes who thrive in the later years of high-performance tennis versus those phenoms who show great promise and then suffer and burn out?
Solution: Twelve software topics to discuss:
- Frustration Tolerance: The best athletes can remain calm under adversity.
- Focus Ability: This allows the top athlete to stay in the moment, match after match.
- Seek Growth: Trust in the learning process. With losses and setbacks comes the opportunity for improvement.
- Conquer Fear: They compartmentalize their worries and focus on their performance goals.
- Confidence Is Nurtured: Inner belief is promoted as a form of positive brainwashing.
- Effort and Sacrifice: Without self-discipline, physical talent is wasted.
- A Sense of Gratitude: Appreciating the journey.
- Innate Ability to Fight: Keeping their foot firmly on the gas from the first point until they cross the finish line.
- Courage: To make bold, quick, Intelligent decisions at crunch time.
- Optimism: In every division, to be the best, one must beat the best, which requires inner belief.
- Leadership: They bring out the best in themselves and those around them
- Ability to Suffer: Grit, resiliency, and the capacity to handle hardships.
By understanding and applying these software essentials, your athlete will thrive under the typical game-day stress of competition.
