Surrogate grandmother becomes part of California family: “Those boys are mine”

Some of the most influential relationships in life are those between grandparents and grandchildren. Nearly 70 million people in the U.S. are grandparents and about 70 percent of Americans say those bonds are important, according to YouGov.

But distance, busy schedules, strained relationships, and adults choosing not to have children have left many families without them. Increasingly, some are turning to unconventional solutions.

Anteres Anderson Turner and Louis Turner, who are raising twin boys — Cayden and Cameron — in Southern California, realized two years ago that something was missing from their family.

“We were talking about the village, the village that, you know, we had growing up, the grandparents would like come and like hang out or just impart their wisdom,” said Anderson Turner.

Cayden and Cameron’s paternal grandparents live across the country. Anderson Turner’s father died during the COVID-19 pandemic, and her mother is not actively involved.

“I was like, ‘My God, I wish there was like a way to just like adopt somebody,'” she said. “I’m like, can you just go trolling, like nursing homes and say, ‘Hey, like, does anybody need like a grandchild?'”

Instead, the family searched online and found Surrogate Grandparents USA, a Facebook group with about 12,000 members.

Less than 100 miles north, Janet Firestein Daw was looking for the same thing — grandchildren. When she heard about the Facebook group, she immediately saw its potential. 

“I thought it was great. I thought it was amazing because it was going to fill a need that I actually have,” Firestein Daw said.

Firestein Daw has five kids, but she says they made it “pretty clear” that they weren’t planning to give her grandchildren.

“I was getting older and I wanted to get down on the floor and play Legos and trains and read books,” she explained.

While scrolling through the Surrogate Grandparents USA Facebook page, Firestein Daw came across the Turner family’s photo. She reached out to the family to see if they’d be interested in talking. Firestein Daw says they “connected immediately,” and planned their first meeting at a public park.

“The moment that [the kids] met her, they gave her a big hug and it was like, okay,” Anderson Turner said. 

That was two years ago. Today, Firestein Daw, affectionately called “Nana J,” is fully part of the Turner family.

When asked about their favorite things about Nana J, the boys said they enjoy how she plays with them, makes pretend movies, has fun, and treats them with kindness.

Anderson Turner said the relationship has been a relief. 

“It’s been like, oh, wait has been lifted off my shoulders. She’s been on trips with us, we’ve celebrated Hanukkah, she’s gone to the library with us, so many things that I desperately wanted for my kids and we get that with Janet,” said Anderson Turner.

Firestein Daw said the boys filled a lifelong void. “It’s indescribable for me, because I haven’t had that experience to be that grandparent. I love it,” she said.

After the first year with her surrogate grandsons, Firestein Daw’s youngest child surprised her with news: She was going to have a baby.

Her granddaughter was born in March. But her love for Cameron and Cayden has not changed. “It hasn’t changed anything. Doesn’t change anything for me, those boys are mine,” she said.

For the Turners, the relationship has brought a sense of completion. “It’s like closing a loop,” Anderson Turner said. “And by adding her in it’s like, we feel complete.”

The Surrogate Grandparents USA group continues to grow, with founder Donna Skora saying she is amazed at how many unconventional families have formed through it. She adds that it is always up to the parent’s discretion and safety should always be followed when meeting up with someone online.