Last week I wrote about my “Third Places” – those where I go for informal social connection outside of home or work. While these may be my “happy places,” there’s a reason why they are third. There’s no doubt home is number one. It’s what’s most important in our lives. It’s the place we start with on day one, end with on our final days, and have with us nearly every day between. It’s the place we share with our loved ones that will remember us after we are gone, and it’s what we will most remember as we reflect on the journey of our lives. Then there’s our “Second Place” – work – which may be the trickiest one to absorb. For most of us, work is a necessity. It’s where we spend most of our lives outside of home. For some, it defines us every bit as much, if not more, than home. For others, it is a means to survive.
Because work is such an essential part of who we are, it shapes everything else around us. My home life – and how much of it I have – is dictated by it, as is nearly every other area of my life. When I talk about my plans to do anything outside of work, whether running the NY Marathon, rock climbing, golfing, or even just working in my daily fitness regimen, the number one variable that dictates what and how much I can do is work. That’s a fact most of us share. But our experiences at work can vary greatly. I’m grateful that mine is such a positive one.
I’ve been a lawyer for nearly 18 years now, and I’ve only known one job. It’s one that makes me feel like the luckiest guy in the world for so many reasons. As I reflect on those reasons, there’s one common thread. They all contribute to my wellbeing. This is why I feel the need to share this here.
We are a week away from the one-year anniversary of Legally Fit. And while those of you who read the blog know that there are so many people who are part of my journey that I couldn’t have done this without, I may not yet have shared the importance of those at work in this process.
Mentoring
When I was a young lawyer fresh out of law school, I entered the world of big law with a fair amount of fear, anxiety, and insecurity. Suddenly, I was receiving a paycheck bigger than I had ever dreamed of. While my perspective on that has most definitely changed, at the time, I was given that salary for having done nothing yet. I am reminded of seeing Springsteen on Broadway, where Bruce Springsteen talked about the earliest days of his career and starting with a blank page. That empty page is scary, but it can also be wildly exciting. It’s how we begin any journey, and as I’ve said before in this blog, “When you fall in love with the journey, everything else takes care of itself.”
But you can’t just make yourself fall in love with something – especially work. First and foremost, work is a means to be able to live. We do it to survive and provide. So, I am one of the lucky ones here to have been able to fall in love with this journey. But I didn’t fall in love with it simply because I love being a lawyer. That could easily have gone either way. I fell in love with it because I love being a lawyer with the people that I work with every day.
So many have mentored me, and I needed every bit of it. But much like that first day with my trainer, when he told me at my most insecure moment, “you are the reason I do this,” my work life has been filled with the very same dedication from my colleagues to making me a better lawyer – and a better person. And much like my reaction to that first day with my trainer, I was all in because they were all in on me. Eighteen years later, I still benefit from mentoring, but most importantly, I do my best to pay it forward by mentoring others who I hope can have a similar path. The support and dedication I received not only got me though it all, but it taught me the importance of helping others get through it too. I know that not everyone is fortunate enough to share the same experience, but I hope that I do all I can to make sure that everyone that works with me does. After all, if it was possible for me – with all my flaws – to achieve success, then anyone can! We just need the support.
I have also learned from the mentoring relationships I developed at work, that you can’t just define one as mentor and the other as mentee. I have always learned as much, if not more, from those seeking my guidance as I do from those whom I seek advice.
Friendships
A true mentor is also a friend, and each mentor and mentee that I’ve had in my career has become a friendship that will stand the test of time long after we all work together. Just this past year, I’ve traveled the world, gone to a dozen concerts, and share so many other activities with friends who are, or have been, colleagues. Work has become a source of wellbeing simply because of the bonds that I’ve formed with a great group of individuals who I now first think of not as colleagues, but as partners in life.
This all stretches well beyond fun. Sure, the connections were formed because we all found common bonds that we have been able to share in good times. But you truly know your friends in the bad times. When I think back to every moment over the past 18 years that has involved sickness, struggle, and even tragedy, there’s not one of those where my friends at work weren’t among the first to be there for me.
Inspiration
It helps to be inspired at work. Success is born out of it. And while I am, no doubt, good at what I do, I am only good at it because I am inspired by all of those who are much better at it than I am. Whether in work, life, or fitness, it’s important to seek out those who are better – and just as important to seek out those who may not (yet) be. For someone like me, who was (and still is) full of many flaws, it’s easy to find those who can inspire. The amazing colleagues I have make me want to be a better person, colleague, and mentor. I now owe the same to others who are just getting their feet wet in this space.
A Means to It All
Let’s be real about the nature of what work really is. It is a means to do everything we do. For me, my life isn’t cheap. I likely won’t ever write about being fiscally responsible here because of all the luxuries I spend my hard-earned money on whether it be the several gyms I belong to, the adventures I take, or even the nice dinners I enjoy going out to.
